please forgive me

i fucking hate you,

i fucking like you.

i'm fucking confused.

you piss me off,

but i want you so bad.

you drive me crazy,

i hate it.

i want you to go away,

but to never leave.

At one point or another ; one of us have called each other cryin` because of some of this stupid shit,
just wanted to sum everythin up, in my point of view.
i love my friends all to death
because i know i`d probably be a psychotic bitch.
if i didn`t have you guys to talk to.

"Get over him, he's not worth it, he's not worth your time or your tears."
"you loved him & you can't see yourself with anyone else but him, i understand.
Been there, done that."
"But why would you waste time at home crying your eyes out when it won't change anything."
"So while your at home, thinking about old times you two had or where he is right now, or where he's been ; do you ever think he's thinking about you?"
"No, it hurts that he's out there, probably over everything and moved on"
"but it`s something your going to have to deal with"
"You`ll see him with one of his new girlfriends, or him kissing up on some girl he's dealin with & he'll hold her & say the same things he`s said to you, or a song will play that reminds you of him."

& Memories will come rushing through your head, but then again he KNOWS your watching, & he knows its killing you.
Don`t let him get to you, cause that`s all he wants.
So what if he doesn`t talk to you & lied to you when he said you guys are going to be friends & nothings going to change.
Do you wanna be anywhere near an asshole like him anyways?
All he's gonna do is talk about his new girls to you, or things you couldn't care less about.
fuck him, fuck his new girls, fuck anything he has to say.

One day you'll open your eyes and think of how stupid you were to spend all those nights crying on the phone with one of your bestfriends, when you know crying about it won't change anything.
When you finally find someone else, that makes you happy.
& he sees you with someone else other than him, maybe those same memories you two had together will go rushing through his head?
He'll realize he made a huge mistake when he walked away & pretended he never even knew you.

Don't wait for that one phone call your never going to get or that mssg you know he'll never send you, because he likes to ignore you and pretend he doesn't see you online.
Show him you don't need him, that you can be better with or without him.
That your grown into something that he`ll wish he now had.

In the end you never really needed him anyways.

One thing, I don’t know why
It doesn’t even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind
All I know
time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the seasons change.
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away
It’s so unreal
Watch the time go right out the window
Trying to hold on, but didn’t even know
Wasted it all just to
Watch you go
I kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart
What was meant to be, will eventually, be a memory, of a time when I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I vent remind myself how
I tried so hard
In spite of the way you were mocking me
Acting like I was part of your property
Remembering all the times you fought with me
I’m surprised it got so far
Things aren’t the way they were before
You wouldn’t even recognize me anymore
Not that you knew me back then
But it all comes back to me
For all this
There’s only one thing you should know
I've put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
For all this
There’s only one thing you should know
I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter

its not that i'm jealous, its not that i don't see you anymore as much as i did, its not that the reason i don't see you anymore is because you're busy walking her out or walking her to class, it has absoulutly nothing to do with the fact you didn't answer, it has nothing to do with the fact you completely ingored my texted and fucking skipped mine to respond to hers & it has nothing to do with the fact i'm afraid your falling for her.
its more than that, its like i see the other girl after school waiting for a pickup and shes always texting you. and everytime you respond she smiles, like the way i did when you would reply to me. and usually it wouldn't hurt as much but my feelings for you isn't gone yet. and its not gonna go away anytime soon, cause everyday it just keeps on growing. and no matter how much i say i hate you, and no matter how much i wish i never said hi, i don't regret it cause i want this so bad, but you don't. YOU DON'T HAVE ANY FUCKING IDEA HOW MUCH IT HURTS.

022010, a day spent well with my bhess.i finally got to see her after like a month and a half.
- real talks.
- pho mi
- "OUS" resturants, lmfao
- does he shop there?
- ghetto
- the car wash
- colorful soap
- eating those purple stuff.
- my aunts wonderful wall
- the filipino talking waiter
- jerking in the parking lot.
- poser times
- being seductive.
- my awesome taste in music
- losing my phone
- 27 dresses
- "are they all sisters" "no" "oh, its cute cause they all act like it"
- learning to not give in.
- my 3 pieces of art in my sketchbook.
- going out of fridays, no more.
- hacking facebook.
- creeping on facebook
- "OU, I LIKE THE INSIDE OF YOUR SHOE"
- glasses store.
- "do you want a chocolate" "sure, oh its so good" "ew, have mine"
- asian dramas.
- meeting my aunt "do i hug her"
- carrot cake
- listening to music then blasting my car music.
- moulin rouge songs :D
- imagine a duet, lmfao
- my aunt blowing smoke in my face.
- pretty bathrooms.
- photobooths <3
- 99 cent chips.
- "HERE YOU CARRY IT"
- eating chips before actually eating, fatasses
- "is it just me or is the guy in front of us hot"
- the pet store.
- scared or rats tails
- "where are you going" "i have to fold" "whatever, who cares"
but the best part of the day is spending the time with you :)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
you honestly need to get a grip. nothing was ever there and nothing will ever be there. stop! your imiagination is too wild, its not a bad thing. but what you've been saying is all bullshit. i'm 14. not some porn star. so you can go and take all your dreams and stuff them up my ass. cause nothing was ever gonna happen. AT LEAST NOT WITH YOU. just move on, cause you were fun to talk too but you're lame to be with.

at night i get lonely, i wait for you to text me.
but when you don't, i feel like i'm not enough,
i'm so tired of excuses.
you talked to me enough, to settle down on you.
i gave up hanging with my friends, just to get to you.
but you cause me so much pain.
i can't sleep at night, don't feel right.
heart just hurts, your stomach is tied.
i feel so weak, and i'm breaking down.
my whole world got turned upside down.
thats what it feels like.
i miss the time where i couldn't give one crap about you,
and say hi to you like you meant nothing to me.
i like the way we talked, and it's gone.
baby if i ever get the chance to be with you again,
i would sacrifice.
but i'm miles from where you are, i lay down on the cold ground
i pray that something picks me up and lays me down in your warm arms.
i'm falling a thousand feet per second, i know it can't be over.
i can see it in your eyes.
this silence made me realize, its worse to finish than to start all over.
but as long as i can feel you holding on, i won't fall.
i'm not perfect, but i keep on trying.
cause thats what i said i would do from the start.
but you're just slipping away each day.
was it something i said or was it just my personality.
you treat me just like another stranger.
"well its nice to meet you sir, i guess i'll be on my way"
apperently i'm the one to blame for our lack of conversation.
well i don't wanna be the blame, not anymore.
i started almost everything that ever happened.
its your turn.
but whatever happens, iwe can work for it.
no more excuses cause i know exactly what to say.
i was gonna make my play but just like yesterday,
my mind raced
and i let the moment slip away.
but sucks the most is i'm crushed.
by the sweetest lips i've never kissed ..
and the softest hands i've never held.

i don't mean to brag, but i think i got him where i want him now.

nts: just keep waiting, it'll happen. just stick to it.