I am just so sick. Sick of everything right now.
Summer's ending, and I feel like i haven't accomplished shit.
I've just been sitting on my ass watching dog the bounty hunter and EATING. and i mean EATING!
I love food, but a few months ago, when the school year started, there was a time where I only ate one small meal once a day. Sometimes I would just drink brisk or water and that would be my meal for the day.
Surprisingly enough, that got me the body i wanted, not really but it improved.
Around may, everything just started happening. I lost friends and once my love life improved I started changing my mind. It really didn't bother me until summer came.
It just hit me, I was a fucking wreck and I was lost, and I don't know.
I guess my mood would just change when I ate. I would just forget about everything. Finishing bags of chips, eating out at fast food places every other day. What a surprise, the weight I lost at the beginning of the school year found me. But unlike last year I'm still eating. I'm not satisfied with the way I look whatsoever. Honestly I look at my body now and compare it to November and I just see some fat girl who has nothing going for her. I just wanna stop eating.
Earlier today, I texted someone, but one of my other friends replied. So, my guess was they were all together, again, without me. Now I don't wanna bitch and say 'oh, why wasn't i invited' cause really, i don't mind. But what pissed me off was when she said 'how's your summer? did you die this summer?' OKAY, no, I'm still alive and I'm sorry I haven't seen you over the summer even though you've been to tons of get togethers I wasn't invited too. I mean we all are friends, I'm just not invited. so yeah, it's MY BAD for not seeing you. But honestly, just saying this again, it's not that I wasn't invited it was that you asked where i've been when all of you have been hanging out to things I wasn't invited too. Now you wonder why I blocked you out? Oh, I'm sorry did i hurt your feelings? Yeah well, my feeling are hurt too, we're on the same boat.
- You know, maybe it's because of that very awful crime that happened which I completely regret. I paid for what I did, literally. It's cool. But everything changed when people found out. Really, things just won't ever be the same with SOME of you guys. I know we can agree on that.
- I don't have much to say to you, but you were bad from the start and I should've never trusted you.
I thought that we would be chilling this summer, because of everything that was supposed to happen in may and june but didn't. I guess I kinda had this coming. I see how it's gonna be, MSN and texting. I've accepted it.
Lastly, this is all we are. And all we will ever be. Nothing but an infatuation story to tell other later on when this ends. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed every minute of it. Oh and yeah, that phone conversation we had, no. Just no. Awkward. But thanks for always being there.
these were supposed to make up for my past lame blogs LOL
this is as real as it gets,
love is still for suckers,
peace bitch.
